I posted this entry on my profile at the www.29gifts.org website. If you wanna friend me or join me on what will prove to be an incredible journey, please check it out at: www.29gifts.org/profile/davidkav ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Let me start this blog post out by thanking Everyone who has wished me a Happy Birthday. I truly appreciate ALL of you. Thank you for the gift of your time, your generosity and your love. :) Today ended very late and started out late. I went to bed at 6AM and woke up at 4:30pm. There was an interlude where I woke up at 10AM with Beth Ann to help her crush her pill so that she can take her medicine this morning. After that, I remember kissing her good-bye. Shortly thereafter, I couldn't fall asleep because my body was being restless. It also had to do with the fact that my upstairs neighbor decided to use his powerful DJ equipment to blare his music (doesn't help that he's an employee of the building, either.) I could hear that he was playing "November Rain" by Guns 'N Roses. There was NO Denying that that was the song that was playing. Thank God that I have a set of earplugs. In they went and stayed in for several hours. I woke up to a card underneath my door. The funny thing: It was from my building/property manager. I don't care to get into the whole story. I'll sum it quite very, very briefly. I don't like our property manager - at all. He is the epitome of landlord/supervisor/manager material. I really let it ruin the rest of my daylight hours and well into "Morning" Pages. In fact, it was Very Alarming as to how disturbed and curseful I was during my session of Morning Pages (I even pointed that out during my writings.) Beth Ann pointed this out to me as well when she came home from work. She stood up for herself and stated that she wasn't going to take my negative behavior any longer. I'll sum it up with this: It's amazing as to How deeply rooted your negativity can be if you were raised on it from toxic family/parenting. Thank God and the Universe that I have the proper tools (Morning Pages, this 29-Gift challenge, FAWM, Beth Ann, my therapist) to keep myself on an even keel. Otherwise, it's Very, Very Easy to forget as to where you come from and as to how far you have progressed. I have to remember this on a daily basis. After a few moments of a cool-down period AND with determination from both of us to make my Birthday a Happy one indeed, we got dressed and we decided that we were going to do what we decided to do after I chickened out from doing it a year ago. When Beth Ann was 21 years old, her mother took her to Build-A-Bear to make her very own teddy bear. She still has it to this day and I find it to be the most adorable teddy bear that I had ever seen. Her name is Hope. Last year, Beth Ann was going to surprise me by taking me to Build-A-Bear to make my very own teddy bear. At first glance, "Oh, no! Nuh uh!" I said. Her smile quickly turned into a frown, "What? Why?" I feel guilty typing this now. However, ALL of the excuses that I could muster were coming to the surface. "Well, Chris [Beth Ann's old friend] got his made with his ex-girlfriend." "Well, that's good for Chris. I'm not going to be seen and/or known with a teddy bear. Forget it." We both stood outside of the window of Build-A-Bear for a little bit. We didn't get a bear for me that day. We did talk about it a bit afterwards. I told her that I would have to think about it. Also, I asserted my masculinity and told her that IF I was going to get a teddy bear, he would have to be black ('cause, you know, it's a Man thing, right?) Also, I would want to make him a Chicago Blackhawks bear. (This is a big deal for me since I am a Huge Blackhawks fan while Beth Ann is a Detroit Red Wings fan. We have a silent rule that we don't fight about said teams or to be a menace to one another. I must admit: Beth Ann is a LOT better about this rule than I am. Guilty.) "Grrr," she said, "No. We can do Chicago Bears OR Chicago Cubs. But, No Blackhawks." So, there was some contention with said bear. Also, since Hope was born on Beth Ann's birthday, it would Have to be so that my bear was born on my birthday. This was brought to light when I finally gave in and told Beth Ann that I would go back to Build-A-Bear to get my bear made. "I'm sorry. I really want to do this. I like the idea. It's like - we're both representing each other through stuffed animals." "But, your birthday's past." "So?" "So??! If you got your bear made now, your birthday's wouldn't be the same. That's how Hope's birthday is the same as mine." "What?" I was confused. "I thought you just made that up in order to, I don't know, bond with the bear." "No!" she said. "Don't you remember? I told you that my mom took me and got Hope for me for my 21st Birthday?" "Oh," I conceded. "You did say that... I feel really bad. I'm sorry." So, a year had past since that incident. Therefore, when Beth Ann brought up going to Build-A-Bear, there was no second thought. It HAD to be done today. We got dressed. I had also decided that I wanted to go out to eat for my proper Birthday. I had offered to pay for it to boost the idea into a reality. "I understand that we might not have the money," I declared. "But, I don't want you to have to wait on me or do anything for me tonight. This is my wish. I'll take care of dinner, ok?" "Ok. I just don't want pizza again." "Ok. There's gotta be some place around Navy Pier. We'll figure it out." We got on the train and the bus. It wasn't snowing but it was COLD outside. The 5 to 10 minute wait for the bus was long. I had thought that I had dressed up. But, that's winter in Chicago for you. (shrug.) The bus came and we were on our way. "I don't know about you. But, I am hungry." Beth Ann's eyes got really wide. "Me too." "However, I want to get the bear made first so that we get it done right. You ok with that?" I ask. "Yeah. That's fine. We'll take the time to figure out where we want to eat as well." "Ok." We get to Build-A-Bear. The pickings for the bears themselves are a bit slim. To tell the truth, I had kinda gotten used to the nose on Hope and was not happy with the options that were there. I will state this, though: I still had the vision in my head from the bear that I picked up and made up in my head from the year before. So, when I saw the "Midnight Bear," my eyes kept going back to that bear. This was after going over the White Polar Bear (which very much resembled the Christmas/Holiday Coca-Cola Bear...which was cool,) and the stuffed Snoopy. Beth Ann looked at me. "Really? Is that what you want? Snoopy?" "Well, come on!" I shouted. "Snoopy is the grand-daddy of ALL characters and cartoons! Snoopy is the man! Besides, I have seen and felt other Snoopy stuffed animals and NONE have EVER been this soft. But, no. For the record, we're not making a Snoopy." It took me a long, hard minute to walk away. No lie. It didn't take long for us to go back to the Midnight Bear option. So, I was very close to getting the black bear that I envisioned. "So, umm, you know," I started, "I'm just saying... If I'm getting a black bear...he would look REALLY cool with the Blackhawks outfit and gear." I waited for Beth Ann's response and retaliation. After a few seconds, "Ok." I did a double-take in my head. "What? Are you sure?" "Yeah. He's your bear." Wow. After the aforementioned gifts from yesterday AND he's going to be a Blackhawks bear?!?!?!? I HAVE to keep Beth Ann! Where on Earth has this woman been hiding years before? (I'm sorry if this is overkill the way I talk about Beth Ann in these blogs. However, I am not sorry. With what you've read and know about her, can you blame me?!?!?) We looked through the bin of teddy bear shells/skins to find the perfect one. IF he's going to be a Blackhawks bear, it made sense that his nose be a bit imperfect. Why not? My bear will have been through a few rounds of hockey. He's tough. It's a manly bear, right? ;) So, there was one that BOTH Beth Ann and I thought was a winner. So, we got him stuffed. I picked out a "heart," helped stuffed the bear and brought him "to life." Beth Ann mentions that it's my birthday. The store announces it. I'm slightly embarrassed. However, I'm not AS embarrassed as I thought I would be. Hell, I had gotten the compromised bear that I wanted. Not to mention that I had made it this far. What's the big deal at this point? "I'm gonna kill you," I said to Beth Ann. "You did this on purpose, didn't you?" She's laughing and nodding at the same time. "Yep." She laughs some more. I can't keep a straight face. I just shake my head. We go to "pick out clothes" for my bear. She tries to talk me into buying other shirts such as a Red "Joe Cool" T-Shirt with Jeans OR a Cubs T-shirt. I try to get her to admit that she really doesn't want me to get a Blackhawks outfit. "It's not that..." she starts. "If you DIDN'T want me to get a Blackhawks bear, then WHY did you say it's ok in the first place? WHY did you plant that seed in my head?" "NOOooo. It's not that I don't want it. It's your bear," she insists. "It's just... If/when we go to sleep with it, the material is not comfortable. That's why I chose Hope's dress the way it is." "Ok." I state. "I'll make a deal with you. I'll buy the other outfit IF you get the Blackhawks outfit, ok?" "Ok. That works." Instead of the Joe Cool idea (which I did like,) I talked Beth Ann into getting a Cubs T-shirt that I initially didn't like. However, in contrast to his black fur, it really looked cool. I told her that I like the theme that he's a sports bear. She didn't like that at first. However, when we compared the two outfits (equipped with a white pair of boxer shorts for the bear,) she really fell for the Cubs outfit. "Ok. Ok. You talked me into it. That's cute." "SCORE!" I told myself. This. Was. Awesome. Now, it was time to make the Birth Certificate for the bear. This was a problem because I had NO idea what to name him. I was there for a good 5 minutes on the name. If I made it to this point with all of This effort thus far, the name had to be perfect. "What about Blackie?" "No. TOO many doors to walk through with that one. Forget it." "What about Scruffy? I laughed. "You don't understand," I told Beth Ann. "Your bear's name is Hope. What made me fall in love with that bear AND you is how ingenious that name is. There are women out there who are named Hope - not to mention the artistic brilliance it implies. My bear has to be as special as she is." Seriously. I really wanted this to be as good as Hope was. I wanted a name that was cool, had meaning, was "rocker," and wasn't obvious that it was made up. I had thought about strength, old mythological characters, rock stars, athletes. "What about Edge?" Beth Ann suggested. I shook my head. "Or Bono?" I laughed out loud. "Believe me. I had thought of that name. However...no. For a LOT of reasons that would take me until tomorrow to finish my list." However, something to do with The Beatles was not out of the question. I do share the same birthday with the late George Harrison (which, I found out as of late, is in contention. Some sources say that Mr. Harrison was born on February 24th. I had heard that it was February 25th years ago. I don't know. I'll stick to the latter, thank you.) ;) "I was thinking George because of George Harrison. I don't know. I never liked the name George." I said. I also wanted something as cool as a nickname and with one syllable. Then, it hit me like lightning. Beth Ann said something. But, I couldn't hear her because I talked over her. I had to. I knew that this was it. "What about S..." "NO! I got it!" I shouted! "Jude!" Beth Ann smiled. "That's it! See? I KNEW it would come to you." Jude was PERFECT in every way. Hell, I have the Flow Chart for Hey Jude on my desktop on one of the computers at work: http://laughingsquid.com/hey-jude-flow-chart/ So, I finish up Jude's Birth Certificate. We go to the register and prepare for check-out with our items in tow. "So, is this the birthday boy?" the cashier asks. I sheepishly reply, "yes." "Don't worry. We won't say it again." She mimics the bell ringing that she did earlier. Yes. They ring a bell to attract attention at Navy Pier. Hence the other reason for embarrassment. I smiled, "It's ok. I'm happy with this purchase." Since Beth Ann made her purchase before me, the cashier asked Beth Ann, "would you like to make a $1 donation to help Children's Congenital Heart Disease?" "No, that's ok," she replies. There it was - my gift for the day. She gets done with her purchase. She hands me a gift card that she also purchased for $5 that was good for a $10 value ("In other words, half-off," the cashier told Beth Ann before purchase.) Beth Ann asks, "Do you wanna just give me $5 and I'll give this to you for your outfit?" "Sure." "Well," the cashier said, "with tax, your total would come out to $10.50." "That's ok." I said, "I was wondering: Is there any way that you can donate more than a dollar to the cause?" "Sure," she said. "That's very noble and sweet that you're giving on your birthday." "Thanks," I said, "You gotta give it away to keep it, ya know? I've been on this kick of giving lately. I don't know. $10 has been my magic number of sorts." I had also thought that if Beth Ann was "covering" my bill with her $10 gift card, it only made sense to give the same amount back. It did feel good to know that children would be helped. "Thank you...and Happy Birthday!" "Thanks. It already is one." I smiled back. Beth Ann and I had decided that a huge burger sounded REALLY good. So, we headed to Rock Bottom which was near the Red Line. However, upon entering the bar, it was REALLY noisy and crowded. "Does this work for you? Or is this too noisy? Also, you could watch the game" asked Beth Ann. "....yeeeah!" I said. "A bit too noisy for me. Also, Blackhawks are getting KILLED in the 3rd period. 4 to nothing [they were playing the Los Angeles Kings. Definitely didn't need to stay to see that bloodbath.] We could try Weber Grill across the street to see what the atmosphere is like. Also, they do have Great burgers there. Let's just see what's happening." We walk across the street. Another crowd was in there. However, "Well, it's not that noisy." "No, it's not." "Plus, it's a Saturday night. There'll be a crowd everywhere we go. Let's see what the wait time is." "Can I help you?" the hostess asks. "Yes, what's the wait time right now? For 2?" "30 to 45 minutes." I groaned at this. We were about to walk out when another hostess states, "well, there is room at the bar with a full menu option with no wait. There's also a high table in the bar area if you don't mind sitting there." Beth Ann looks. "I don't mind. What do you think?" I look in back. The table is not in a bad area at all. Not to mention that I already knew that it wasn't going to get better than this (realistically speaking at 10:00 on a Saturday night.) "Ok. We'll take it." We get seated and treat ourselves to a Sampler Platter to include BBQ Shrimp, Grilled Chicken, Ribs, Steak Skewers along with burgers. We KNEW we were going to have to take some food home. No worries. Lunches/dinners for work tomorrow. ;) Got home a bit late. We watched the last episode of "Switched At Birth" available on Netflix. Next one is going to have to be a Hulu hunt. However, one was all we needed for this evening. Beth Ann was tired. So, I got her meds together for the evening and sent her to bed with both Hope and our newborn, Jude. I write this with a humble heart and in reflection from earlier today. I have to remember that I am prone to destroy a good thing from my upbringing. There's faulty wiring on the inside that says that I'm not deserving of good things. I know that this is not the truth. However, there are moments that come back to haunt me. Again, I am grateful that I have loving people in my corner that kick me in the ass when I need it. I am also grateful that I have come to this point in my life - especially when I've heard that getting older is painful, miserable and "the end of the line." I am here to tell you, as living proof, that that is far from the truth. I am here to tell you: Don't believe the hype. I wouldn't trade where I am right now for my early 20s....for anything. ANYTHING! Thank you, God. Thank you, Universe. Thank you, Beth Ann. Thank you ALL!