Just going to get right into the writing. It is 3:46AM and I am in a very contemplative mood. I got off of Facebook and have pondered over how I used to be viewed, how I used to be revered, respected. My music was fresh, received, liked. Or so I think. For those who have read my past blogs/writings, you know that there is a very central theme to it all. In fact, I don't know the difference between objective and subjective thinking at times. I have the same conversation with Beth Ann many times stating that I am wasting time with my hotel job that is not being put into my musical career. "But hon, that's not true. We've talked about this over and over again. You actually have more time to dedicate to music since you've had this job." "That's NOT TRUE!" I bark. "You don't understand. [This job] will suck you in. I have to dedicate myself to this job. With the high turn-around, you never know..." "Dear, even when you had 'more time,' you actually spent more time worrying about how to make ends meet, worried about your debt, bills, and so forth. Since you've had the job, you have your spending/debt under control, you've been more relaxed and you, Get This, ACTUALLY ENJOY PLAYING!" I will give Beth Ann that much. She is right about the latter. Ever since I've taken a "day gig" and have played a CONSIDERABLY less amount of Potbelly gigs (I'm only down to one day a week - Fridays at State/Lake...for now,) I have really been grateful and enjoyed almost EVERY MINUTE of singing and playing my acoustic guitar. However, I have felt very little movement in the area of creating music. I have defined myself as a singer/songwriter for more than a few years now. I have seen my singer/songwriter friends move themselves with much considerable success by ways of shows, tours and so forth. I, in comparison, have done more shows by my new innovative (yet cover) band, Classical Blast. I don't feel that the two compare in respectable terms - at all. I know (without a DOUBT) that I will be busy this coming summer (and throughout 2012.) I also know that the money will come in in droves via Classical Blast. Seriously, it is a privilege and an honor to be a part of such a conglomerate of talent. With the likes of Petar Kecenovici on the cello, Alin Cernaianu (sp?) on violin and Glen Kosche on drums, we have an undeniable chemistry that can't be faked anywhere. For more info, check out www.artswarrior.com and click for our band in the Entertainment section (our very own website is coming quite soon.) In the likes of KAVUS, we released an album in July 2011. We have moved VERY LITTLE copies. It is VERY HARD to sell CDs anymore. Not to mention, very hard when it feels like you do most of the work (which, for independent artists, you ARE doing most if not ALL of the work. But still...) Very disconcerting. This is NOT where I wanted to be. This is NOT what I signed up for. In fact, I am losing motivation. I am becoming....jaded. I feel that I am even losing friends. However, I have learned that there is a difference between burning bridges and merely ending a relationship. In my eyes, it's the latter. Where in as I am aware that people are entitled to opinions and in setting boundaries for themselves, I must have my opinions and boundaries as well. I should make it more frank by saying: While I've become very comfortable (if not, complacent...which is EXTREMELY DANGEROUS) in my comforts of my g/f, my living space, my job, food, much clothing and shelter, I have become out-of-touch as to what it was I was striving for in the first place. I have lost sight of what it was I was going for. I was making a name for David Kav. Besides my job and the clients at Comfort Suites, hardly anyone knows who David Kav is IMHO. Or is that true? I dunno. I'm currently reading the book "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell (also recommended by an old friend...if not, acquaintance. Never had the feeling that Steve liked me...rightly so in hindsight...) The main idea is: What we feel in the first two seconds of seeing an object, meeting someone, entering a situation, etc. is about as accurate as doing intense amounts of research on the person, place, situation and coming up with the same results...sometimes. There are times when our instincts can backfire due to distractions, charisma, what have you. With that stated, I feel that I'm wasting away...or am I being distracted? I like that my friend, Joanna, writes Heartfelt blogs. And I truly mean...HEART...FELT...BLOGS. No bullshit. No fluff. No "come see me and my ritzy friends." Real shit. With that said, I think that my resolution for this year (besides my dragged out 30-day songwriting challenge...which has been spread out now for over 3 months) will include a daily blog (or every other day blog.) Why? I have to hold myself accountable. If I want change to happen, I have to work for it. First things first: If I want the life that I am seeking, I've got to make the change to make it happen. Why CAN'T I be on the "A-list" in Hollywood? Nashville? USA? for Music? For Films? Why can't I be featured on Conan O'Brien as the musical guest....and again as an actor/comedian for an upcoming movie/tour? Why can't I have my own TV Special? Why can't I have screaming, adoring fans...beautiful young women that I have to beat off with a stick (not too badly that I can be sued...but just enough?) Or do I want the above? "They" say that you have to visualize it, see it, FEEL IT in order for your dreams to materialize. Maybe that's the problem (check the question at the beginning of this paragraph.) I'll close with this: I was with a group of friends while getting pizza after a late-night gathering of sorts. My mentor (at the time) pulled me to the side and said, "David, when I was your age, I had Brilliant things to say...BRILLIANT things to say. I remember being SO PISSED when no one would listen to me. Then I realized, I had to figure out who I was and that I had so much to learn." "Hell, I still don't know who I am," I replied. "Exactly! So, how the HELL can you impart the knowledge that you have for merely 5 minutes to a group of peers who've been at it longer from 2 years up to 30 years?!?" Duly noted.