First submitted on The Local Tourist on July 12, 2010 at 3:54 AM (www.thelocaltourist.com) This is the part where I tell on myself: I was asked to contribute as a writer for The Local Tourist over a month ago. Completely flattered and honored that the Emmy-Award winning Theresa Carter (whom I haven't seen in a LOOOONG time, for the record) asked me to be a contributor for this very site, I had found myself falling for the very traps that I have trained myself to avoid during my time as an artist/actor/singer/songwriter (that too long? Meh.) I was making excuses for putting off writing my first blog post for TLT. Procrastination came in the form of, "this may not be a good time for me to write. Not doing much in Chicago. Dealing with family issues," etc. In short, I was petrified. That may seem funny to those who know me well (or semi-well, at the very least.) It's true. I laugh about it (or, give a mere chuckle) as I write this. Acting in a show as a lead role and/or learning a part with only two weeks' time? No problem. Writing a song the night before (or hours before) and performing it - I'm up for the challenge. Being a weekly contributor for The Local Tourist, on the other hand, ... "SURE! It'd be an honor! Thanks for thinking of me!" David's inner dialogue: (place cricket noises here) Ummmm.... Now what? What do I write about? What could I possibly contribute if I'm not regularly playing gigs at the moment? Can I find interesting, quirky topics on a weekly basis that will be up to par for such a site as TLT? I mean, for crying out loud, I KNOW the hits that this site gets. Jeez! David's conscience: Snap out of it!!! If you weren't (or aren't) interesting, TLC Wouldn't have asked you to contribute, for crying out loud! She mentioned (to paraphrase:) "I thought it'd be cool to have a day in the life of a singer/songwriter living in Chicago." So, write and let the rest take care of itself. Funny: Looking at the above, that's basically what goes on in my head on a daily basis. Worries can subside at this point (saying this for myself as well) that I'll make these postings more interesting. Furthermore, TLC did state that I can write as often as I wish. Heh heh heh. I'll leave the snickering at that. ;) Here's the thesis for my first contribution to TLT: I have always struggled (as I'm sure most of us do) with the fantasy world that I create for myself and the reality of what life is - for me and for my loved ones, my friends and family. I am fully aware of how lucky I am to be making my living as a singer/songwriter/musician/artist here in this beautiful city of Chicago. I am truly blessed and grateful. However, with my bombastic, negative wiring and upbringing as I was growing up in Cicero, IL as a kid and teenager, I go back in forth in a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde fashion of feeling like God's gift to the world to the opposite extreme of not meeting the standards from the bar that I have raised into the stratosphere... while touching the ground... with cement shoes. Wherein as I am happy to report that the former paradigm is becoming more of a reality than the latter, it is truly (if you'll pardon my French) a bastard when I find myself in the doldrums. However, equipped with the tools to get out today as opposed to yesterday, I find that I can shift my thinking and attitude faster and faster as time goes on. Case in point: My girlfriend, Beth Ann (whom I can say, without a doubt, is the love of my life as I write this...and I am truly thankful that I found her,) and me were having a heated argument. She was at my place at the time. I must state here: It was very late in the evening - definitely past midnight. Amidst the sea of passion that I find myself in too often, I stated in a fiery tone, "get out!" Without hesitation, she walks out of my room and heads towards the front door. Ladies and gentlemen, this was Not the response I was looking for. So, I chase after her and stop her before she walks out. She says, "let go! You told me to get out!" Folks, something swept over me at that moment. The passion shut down and I had a moment of clarity where I said, "Baby, I'm sorry. Really. I have to ask: What are we arguing about? Is it something between us... or is it other b.s. underneath the surface? Is it us or is the argument about something else?" She stopped and looked away to think about that. I truly don't remember what happened after that. I can tell you that she stayed and the evening was peaceful and wonderful as we fell asleep in each other's arms for the rest of the night. The aforementioned argument is a struggle that I find myself in whenever I have a grudge, a gripe or a problem with someone else. I once heard a great adage from an old mentor: "If you spot it, you got it." In those instances, I really have to ask myself, "what am I not doing at this moment to better myself? What is it about this person that reminds me of myself that I don't want to face? What truth(s) am I trying to avoid?" For those who know me well enough, you know that I am all about The Truth. I believe that lies are absolute poison. In short, if you lie to me, we're done. This ultimatum has to doubly be enforced upon myself in order for me to function everyday. All in all, You are the only person who knows yourself - unless you're lying to yourself. If that's the case, then no one knows you. No one knows you and they will never know you until you get honest. The above rule of life is My secret to success. It is within those commandments to myself that have led me to this point in my life. Those paradigms above are what keep me going, keep me strong, and keep me growing. Not to mention, the truths that I find give me some Damn good songs! More to come... Peace, love, music, laughter, life and charity, D Kav www.davidkav.com www.facebook.com/davidkav www.twitter.com/davidkav